Hi Sweet Baby,
I bet you think I’ve forgotten you, haven’t you? I promise you that I haven’t.
I can see why you would maybe think that – your pregnancy has looked so different than the ones with your brothers did in many ways. Many life changes have taken place during the last 7-8 months – exactly as long as I’ve carried you so far. One change being that Daddy and I bought our first house together a little over a month ago. While we’ve been very busy making our house a home before you come to join us, I still haven’t forgotten.
In the last week, I’ve been ultra-aware of you and your growth. When we first moved in (and before), I was a packing/box-schlepping machine. Your pregnancy hardly affected my ability to work even after we moved in and started remodeling. I spent multiple 12 hour days working hard at the house. But this last week? I feel bigger. I feel that you are bigger. While on bended knee painting the trim in the house, I feel you – I feel how low and engaged your head is already and I feel your stretched out feet up in my ribs all at the same time. While on ladder, painting the door frames and edging the ceiling, I feel you – I know you’re getting bigger because my hand quickly goes numb. Somewhere, somehow, you’re resting on a nerve of mine that goes out quickly now.
No, I haven’t forgotten you baby. In some other ways, I’m so much more keenly aware of you than I was even with your brothers. You see, I was also the third child for my mama. I know how it feels to come into the world with not one, but two big siblings to fight for attention over. To be compared to. To have to learn to mesh into an already established family. To be your own person. I know how it is and will be, little one. But I also know the joy of coming into a family that is already so full of fun, adventure and love. In some ways, you’re the lucky one. Some of the adventures and fun things we waited to do with Ezekiel until he was much older, you won’t have to wait for. You’ll be thrown right in the mix, right from the get-go. But baby, I’m gonna fight for you. Fight for you to have the same excitement, attention, anticipation and celebration as your big brothers had.
I’ve already been fighting for you. You see, we weren’t going to do an ultrasound at 20 weeks. We knew we wanted to wait to find out if you were a boy or girl, so daddy suggested we just skip the ultrasound this time. I was okay with that decision for a while. Then I realized that even though you are my third child and yes, we’ve done this gig twice already, it didn’t make me any less excited to see you on the little screen in the doctors office. I want you to know that you were anticipated just as much as your brothers were. It took a little convincing Daddy, but by 30 weeks, I was able to get him to understand why seeing you in an ultrasound was not just important to me, but may someday be very important to you – and it’s not something we could ever get back.
I admit, I was a little terrified of accidentally finding out your gender because of you being so much bigger in my belly – but I learned that it’s the opposite! Because you were so big already, you kept your lil’ legs closed nice and tightly! With your brothers, the ultrasound tech knew (even though we didn’t) that they were both boys. With you, no one knows. Not even the ultrasound tech. She said you kept your legs together so tightly the whole time that she never even got a peep of what you were. That seems special to me. It was always a weird idea for me with your brothers to know that someone (even a stranger) knew what we were having, yet we didn’t. I’m so excited that no one knows with you. You are the ultimate surprise, my dear.
So, if you’re reading this years from now…. are you ready to see yourself?! (You’re quite blurry, but it’s you!) I hope you appreciate this and the fighting mama had to do for you.
I’m not sure why these are so blurry, because we saw you clearly babe. I loved seeing your little puffy chest and round belly. I cannot wait to get my lips on them and kiss kiss kiss away on your soft skin.
I love these two little videos of you:
This one, where you can see you sucking/drinking.
And this one, where you’re just…. there. There and alive and well. And that’s really all mama can ask for.
I know I haven’t posted (or taken) many official belly shots with you. But these are the one’s I do have:
This is me the day we found out about you. 6 Weeks. (And wondering why my shorts that I had just bought were feeling snug.)
You’ll have to forgive and understand the time gap here in photos. You, my dear, made your mama SO sick. I was practically bed-ridden from about 6 weeks until 17+ weeks. I didn’t get up much. Or get dressed much.
About 21 Weeks
About 24 Weeks, and Aunt Shannon, about 14 weeks.
Not an official belly shot – but one with two of my favorite people ever (Great Grandpa Earl and Great Grandma Grace). 30 Weeks.
So, child. Just know that I’ve not only not forgotten about you, but have highly anticipated you as well. I’ve been waiting for you. A third child. This child that I didn’t feel move hardly until close to 20 weeks, when I learned that my placenta is in front of my belly and that I wouldn’t feel you until you were really strongly kicking. This child that now I feel move constantly; the one who wakes me up in the middle of the night having a disco party in my uterus. This child that has two sweet and adoring older brothers – ones that love to give you kisses from my belly and mimic your heartbeat that they’ve learned to treasure the sound of. This child that has no name yet; I hope when we do name you, that you really love your name. Naming a child for life is hard, you know?
I love you baby. I love you so so much. As some of my friends who I’ve been pregnant with have recently had their new babies or are anticipating arrival any day now, I’m growing more and more excited for our day to finally come. Our day to work hard in the most beautiful mother-child dance and finally meet.
Until then, keep growing, sweet one. Put on some of that chub that you know I love. I can’t wait to kiss it all when you come out to say hello.